We've Got Rules In This House!

“We’ve got rules in this house, second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my root beers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. Nobody touches the second shelf but me”. Anyone? Anyone? I’ll give you a hint; it’s an 80’s movie starring Corey Haime. If you’re at a loss, then you haven’t seen The Lost Boys as many times as I have. You should be ashamed…or thankful…I’m going with ashamed. Although I can’t stand root beer, and I think they’re actually call “Double Stuff” Oreos, dude who wrote the movie, but I do have rules in my house. Since I’m new to this whole do it yourself crap, these might be things that you’ve known for years, but I am just finding out. Here are some rules I go by, and maybe someone, somewhere just got some knowledge dropped on them. Boom.

For me, when I need to buy something, there are some things that I need to be quality, and then there are other things, that don’t. They only need to be cheap and easy…kind of like my men…wait. No. I have started a rule for myself, that when anytime I need to buy something, I go to the below three stores first. Once you familiarize yourself with the stores, you’ll start to know what they have that’s quality and what is a piece of crap. Every time I forget this rule, or ignore it, it comes back and bites me in the ass. They will end up having what I just bought, for about $4 cheaper. If you ever have a day where you can just peruse these stores, I would say do it. If you haven’t lately, I think you might be surprised at what you will find, and how much you will save.

• Big Lots – This is not your mothers Pic N’ Save anymore. While they have gotten pricier (for Big Lots), they have gotten better quality merchandise. If you haven’t been in a while, I think you would be surprised at the home decor, they have great organizers for the house, their storage containers are hands down the cheapest, hardware and painting supplies, they carry Mr. Clean products and is a great place to get cleaning supplies that are good quality, for much less than other places, I even bought my curtains there. This is definitely the first place I go when I have something I need to buy…and even when I don’t. Also during the summer and Christmas, they have really great decorations.
• 99 Cent Store – If you are looking for quality, look somewhere else. If you don’t care if it breaks in a year…sometimes week because you only paid 99 cents for it, then you’ve come to the right place. To be honest, I come here a lot for their snacks. I can buy a bunch of crap food to keep under my desk at work for cheap. A box of butter toffee Fiddle Faddle for 99 cents!? Come on people! I have bought wine glasses here, which were actually really nice quality. At Christmas time I always go for their wrapping supplies or even during the year, they have very cute gift bags and things like that. House gadgets, they have cute girls beanies, I also buy toys there at Christmas time for under privileged kids. I know what you’re thinking; there is a special place in heaven for me. How could I forget the best thing I’ve found there so far! Picture frames!! I couldn’t believe all the cute frames they had! Some came in packs of two! They are still cheap plastic frames, but if you don’t get right up close to them, you’ll never tell. I dare you to come to my house and pick out my 99 cent frames. I double dog dare you.
• The Dollar Tree- It still shocks me sometimes walking into this store and seeing what they will sell for only a dollar. I think this store is second on my list after Big Lots. From household items, cleaning supplies, Tupper wear, decorations, you can find some good stuff here. It’s about the same as the 99 cent store, but there is just something about it that is different, and better. Just trust me on this one.

I’m sure you’ve heard of it, and it’s my new favorite obsession…Craigslist. To buy or sell, this is the place. It has its pros and cons, but so far I feel like it’s mostly pros. You can find the craziest, coolest stuff on here. Since I have been selling and buying so much there, I’ve noticed some trends that you have to watch out for. First with selling; you will get quite a few spammers. Either they reply with some crazy saying like “I saw the purple tiger on the street”, or they reply inquiring about your item and after you respond, you never hear from them again and now they have your email address. For me, it’s like who cares, you have my email address, big whoop, ever heard of a spam filter, dumbass! You have a lot of flakes, that are real people and seem interested and you go back and forth and then nothing. I think it’s less frustrating when you are in no rush to sell. Some people are really irritated by this, you can tell in their ads. Me, not so much, the one thing I have found to help, somewhat, is I say in the ad that I will not reply to any email without a phone number. Whether this does the job or not, I don’t know, but it makes me feel like I’m stopping something and that’s what counts…right? As for buying things, I have found that everyone I have purchased something from is really nice, and for the most part honest. There are two types of people that post on craigslist, people who think their stuff is worth way more than it is, and rich people who will sell expensive things for super cheap just to get rid of it. I probably fall into the first type of seller, but as a buyer, there is nothing better than the second type. I bought an almost new outdoor bar set that had the bar and 3 stools for $40; it was just a little dirty from sitting outside. I know this thing had to have cost the guy at least 4 bills. The dude was a lawyer in a huge house and pretty much just wanted the thing out of there. The first type like to use certain words in their ads to make it more appealing like, Shabby Chic, Vintage, Antique, and Retro. You can call it what you want, but it’s still a piece of crap and I’m not paying $300 for a chair that has some paint worn off. In case you were wondering, this is what these words really mean.

• Shabby chic is a form of interior design where furniture and furnishings are either chosen for their age and signs of wear and tear or new items are distressed to achieve the appearance of an antique. At the same time, a soft, minimalistic, and feminine feel is emphasized to differentiate it from regular vintage decor; hence the "chic" in the name.
• Vintage means something at least 7 years old. That doesn’t sound very old, but apparently it is.
• Antique used to mean at least 100 years old, but now the distinction has blurred a bit and people use the term antique to refer to something 50-75 years old.
• Retro has more to do with a style than with an age. A lamp can be brand new, but if it looks like the lamp your grandma had in her house when you were 5, it’s considered retro. So just because something is old, does not mean it is retro, that’s where words like vintage and antique come in. Any style that duplicates a style of a decade long past, is considered retro.

When it comes to Craigslist, it’s good to do your research, especially if you have a specific item in mind. When I    was looking for some wicker chairs, I searched around the stores and decided that $50 was more than my cheap  ass wanted to spend, so I turned towards craigslist. I found an ad where this kooky person was selling their decent,  but still used wicker chair for $45. Lady, I can buy a brand new one for $5 more, why would I want your  used chair. Also do the research when selling, find how much an item like yours is selling brand new. If you are  pricing it too close, chances are likely you’re going to have a hard time selling it. This can come in handy when bargaining too. Always ask if the price is negotiable, unless it’s retardedly cheap, then stop being a chooch and pay the man what he is asking. I have a favorite phrase that I like to use when bargaining, “would you be open to meeting in the middle?” I feel something when I say this phrase, like I’m using some Jedi mind trick on them, letting them think they have the upper hand, by leaving the decision to them, but the whole time, I know they will say yes. For instance I was selling a dresser for $150; the buyer wanted it for $100. I knew I overpriced the dresser, she knew she underpriced the dresser, so I said “Would you be open to meeting in the middle at $125?” She thinks she’s getting a deal, I totally would have taken $100 for it, but something magical happens when you say it, I think they feel like I’m asking them for their permission and at the same they think they just got one over on me, I gave in to them, so they throw me a bone and agree to my middle ground price. Little do they know, if they would have said no, I would have taken the $100, but you agreed and I made an extra $25. In. your. Face. The same phrase works when you are buying something. You ask if the price is negotiable, if they say yes, there is a little back and forth of “what did you want to pay for it?”, “I don’t know how low are you willing to go?” After this game of verbal tug of war, someone eventually throws out a price, usually it’s the buyer. It was originally $250 and you throw out $150, they throw back $200, you throw out, “would you be open to meeting in the middle at $175?” they act like they’re thinking about it, because to them you just gave them the power, or so they think.

Lastly, but not leastly, this is what got me hooked. I noticed that when I would go on Craigslist, even if an ad was posted an hour ago, if it was a good deal, I missed it. I found this app for my phone (I have a droid x), where you can put in specific searches, save them, and it notifies you every time something is posted within your search criteria. Now I’m the one that’s getting all the good deals! Best of all, it’s a free app!
I was going through the garage the other day and found some knick knacks of my Grandma’s that I remembered as a kid. If you would have asked me ten years ago if I would decorate my house with those, I would have said hell to the no. They were old fashioned, why would I want them. Well now, they’re cool and old looking…they’re….wait for it….vintage!! I started finding that I had a lot of things that I thought I didn’t like or wouldn’t use anymore that with just a few tweaks became like a whole new item! Even some things without any tweaks, that I thought I would have no use for, suddenly realized I could totally use it for this or that. I had a box full of baskets in my garage that I was trying to get rid of. My friend had suggested I decorate my fireplace. I really couldn’t think of what I would do and then one fateful night in the garage, I looked over to the box of baskets and one particular basket caught my eye. It was longer and lower than the others and immediately I thought how perfect it would be to hold firewood and sit on my fireplace. I just saved myself having to buy a brand new overpriced basket!

I’ve taken on a whole new frame of mind when I see something that peaks my interest. I do this with items in a store, items I see on craigslist and even things that are already mine. Whenever something peaks my interest, I go through several thoughts. If it’s perfect as is, then I look at the price. I never dismiss anything right away because it’s the wrong color. Color can ALWAYS be changed. Spray paint is your new best friend. I only dismiss it when the price of the item and the time and the effort to change the color are not worth it. Also, if it’s a high priced item, I wouldn’t want to have to change it. I feel if I’m spending $200 on a table, it should be exactly how I want it. This works really well with items on craigslist. Someone is selling something and they are selling it for cheap and you see it and it’s run down, it has scratches, it’s looks dirty, but man do you love the style, it would be perfect if it wasn’t so highly used. To top it off, it’s only $10. I know you’ve heard the saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover”, my new saying is “don’t judge a table by its finish”. A little sanding, some stain or a coat of paint, and it’s like new. There are so many things out there that have such great potential, but no one wants to put in the effort to make it what it could be. Not this girl. If it’s cheap, and it will be cheap for me to fix up, sold to the young lady in the Red Sox hat!

Remember when I said a minute ago that spray paint was your new best friend? I was not yanking your chain. They have so many different colors and textures of spray paint now for every type of material you can think of, how could it not be! Don’t you dare judge me right now, but a few months ago, I was at my cousin’s house and she wanted me to look at something. Outside where the dumpster is, sat a wicker loveseat, in almost perfect condition, just waiting to be picked up with the trash. We looked it over and could see nothing wrong with it, so I told her that I was going to take it. It did come with a cushion, but I tossed that, because it was kind of dirty, who knows who’s butt has been on it, and I once heard a story about a sofa with crabs, and well, I couldn’t help but think of it. While we’re putting it in my truck, I notice on the bottom that it’s from Pier 1 imports. This freaking sofa that someone just put out by the dumpster is a $600 sofa. Are you kidding me? I have now bought 2 wicker chairs and a white wicker coffee table off craigslist. Boom, wicker patio set for $50. You can’t beat that! One problem, they are all different shades and colors. What should I do? Dismiss them all and throw them back out in trash from wince they came? No way Jose! Krylon makes spray paint that will work on wicker…not only that they make one for outdoor furniture with UV and weather protection. How do you like them apples? I have bought the paint, 4 cans for $25, I’m not sure if it will be enough, but even if it isn’t, it’s still a hell of a lot cheaper than the 4 piece wicker sets they sell in the stores. I have found house décor, picture frames, and furniture that were perfect, if not for the color. Guess what I did? That’s right, I spray painted it.

Inevitably, you are going to have to invest in some tools to make your DIY life a little easier. Here are some of my suggestions:

• BUY A DREMEL! I cannot recommend this tool enough. It does everything from cutting to sanding to polishing. It really is an everything tool. Only one problem I have with them is that some of their attachments don’t last very long and I think that is some BS. But I did find this website www.widgetsupply.com, they sell Dremel brand name attachments, but they also sell their own attachments that are exactly like Dremel’s but at a way cheaper price and in bulk! They pretty much have every attachment ever made.
• When you do buy a power tool, I really suggest you buy corded. Cordless sounds so nice and freeing, but it’s not. It will trap you a time space continuum where the battery will start dying faster and faster and you will find yourself waiting for the stupid battery to charge so you can get back to work. Plus, they seem heavier to me and have less power. I don’t want any sissy tools.
• There is a brand of tools called RYOBI. They all seem to be Navy blue in color, with a hint of yellow on them. I have not seen one power tool that their brand does not carry. To me, they are the Toyota of power tools. They’re good enough to get the job done, pretty powerful, and inexpensive compared to some of their brethren. I’m not Mr. construction man, building high rises, I don’t the 50,000 mega watt, 4 blade, can cut through a house in one shot, power tool for $300. I bought a Ryobi power drill, corded, for $40; I have yet to see it not have enough power for me. They have found themselves a loyal customer.
• When I wanted to put in a ceiling fan, I decided to watch a how to video to see just how hard it was. The first thing I noticed about the video was the dude installing the ceiling fan. He was wearing safety glasses. In my head I secretly mocked him and berated his manhood for wearing safety glasses to put up a fan. Seriously, what could fly in your eye, putting up a fan? It wasn’t a week later after I decided I could put up the fan myself that I found out. In the midst of installing my ceiling fan, I found myself in a very awkward and painful position, my ladder wasn’t tall enough to be eye level with the fan, so I had to stand under it, looking up, while I tried to hook it to the ceiling. Little did I know, I was about to be mocked by God. While looking up, attempting to get this stupid fan attached, I kept hitting the ceiling with my hand. Who cares, right? I do. I have popcorn ceiling. Do you how bad that shit hurts when it gets in your eyes?? It HURTS! Every time I would get it out, I would look up to continue and more would fall in my eyes. Some were even so bad, I had to get off my ladder, go in the bathroom and look in the mirror to get them out! That wasted precious fan installation time! So, the moral of the story is, as goofy as they might look, and as goofy as you might feel in them, buy protective eye wear. Another lesson I learned, just because you are wearing protective eye wear, doesn’t mean there is a protective force field over your eye bouncing off any intruders trying to enter. So you buy the cooler Oakley looking ones that fit just like sunglasses. Did you know that when you are sanding, that the dust doesn’t just hit the front of the glasses? Dust knows no boundaries. Those cool Oakley looking safety glass are no match against dust, and who ends up suffering for it? That’s right, your eye. So now I have those big goofy goggles where every inch is pressed against your face and nothing, I mean nothing can get in. Except dust. Dust knows no boundaries.
• A tool kit that has all the common tools, but usually aren’t too pricey. I mean really, how much do you need to spend on a hammer? The answer is, not a lot.
• A wire tester. You’re pretty sure you turned the breaker off…..but are you really positive? I don’t trust myself enough so even after I turn the breaker off, I use a wire tester to test the wires to really make sure there is no power. I think I paid like $3 bucks for it. My life is hopefully worth more than that.
• A stud finder, because admit it ladies, we all need to find a stud, am I right or am I right!?
• The last thing I can’t do without when I’m working are gloves. I bought these sweet lady gloves at big lots the other day. I’m not talking about old lady gardening gloves, I’m talking sweet, working lady gloves. It said on the glove that it was ideal for HVAC, plumbing and other things that I can’t remember. It even had a picture of a lady on it, wearing the gloves, using saw. We’ve come a long way ladies, we should be proud of ourselves. Do you know what else she was wearing? Wait for it….safety goggles. Anyway, back to my sweet lady gloves, they are white leather, but to keep it lady like the tops of the gloves are made of a breathable material that comes in fashionable colors like peach, purple, and even green. We have to keep it classy ladies. We don’t want to be caught by a handsome man while we’re covered in mud, dust, grease, what have you, wearing un-lady like gloves. You’ll never find a husband that way. But seriously, buy them. They do save your hands from cuts and scrapes, and I have had many a slip with a power tool, and am not sure what would have happened if I wasn’t wearing those gloves. I cannot emphasize this more; wear them if you are going to be handling sheet metal. You know how bad a paper cut hurts, well sheet metal cuts are like paper cuts on crack. They suck. Fork out the $7 at Big Lots, you’ll thank me later.

I used to get annoyed by being able to only find things online. I would go online to search through Wal-Mart, to see if they carried a specific item I was looking for. Inevitably I would find it, but it had those cursed words below it every time “only available online”. I don’t know about you, but I hate wasting money on shipping. It drives me nuts. Well now, Wal-Mart and some other stores have started offering delivery to their stores for free. You order the item online, they deliver it to the store, email you that’s it’s ready to pick up and you just go and pick it up, no hassle, and no fuss. Even Lowe’s will deliver to your house for free if you live close enough. Get with it Home Depot!!

Ah, my last piece of insight. I actually just realized it this week. It used to be whenever I bought something, as soon as I would get home I would open it. It was like getting a gift, I wanted to unwrap it and really see it and touch it. Then a week or two later, I would be out and I would see either something I liked better, or the same thing at a cheaper price. This would make me very, very angry. Because I was so anxious to open it when I got it home, I usually had already thrown away the packaging and receipt, so there was nothing I could do about it. Now it has gotten to be that I’ve been so busy, I don’t have time to open it when I get home, or it’s for another project I haven’t started yet, so I put it away, as is. I have also started saving all my receipts. So now when I find something else, I have no problem returning it. So now my rule is, do not open anything until I’m ready to use it. Home Depot and Lowes also make it so that you do not need a receipt to return something you bought, as long as you bought it on a card. They can pull up the purchase through the card. This is what I realized this week that made me extremely happy. When I was re-grouting my tile, I needed to replace some tiles, so I bought the tile spacers. When I got home, I realized they were the wrong size and on top of it, I didn’t really need them. So thinking that now I have opened the bag, I can’t return it, they have been sitting in the garage. $3 down the drain.

As I’ve been shopping, I’ve noticed when I talk to people about things I’m buying, they tell me to go home, try it   out, and if it doesn’t work, I can return it. I don’t know why I never thought of this before! So even though the tile    spacers are open, I just have to tell them they didn’t work, and since I bought it on a card, they can see the  purchase and I can get my three dollars back! It doesn’t seem like a lot, but if you do this kind of stuff as often as I    do, it adds up! Plus, for certain stores that I shop at constantly, if I don’t have a receipt and they can only give me   store credit, fine by me. I’ll be back to shop there and I’d rather have a store credit than have an item I’ll never use sitting on a shelf in my garage.

I have a hanging basket that I put a fake plant in, that I bought probably about 4 or 5 months ago from Home Depot. After I sat and worked on the arrangement and hanging it up, I realized it was a little too big. It’s gotten so that   every time I walk in my room I notice it and it made me hate it more and more every day, and now it’s just obnoxiously big. Also when I lay down on my bed I could see underneath it where I had missed a paper tied to it. I’ve been meaning to cut that thing off for months, but haven’t. The other day I realized I bought it at home depot. I didn’t need a receipt to return it, and the paper I left on it had the bar code. I immediately took it down, took the plant out, it was still in perfect condition, so I returned it. I got my $13 back, went to big lots, and found the same basket in a much smaller size for $5. Order had finally been restored.