Empty Wallet Syndrome

Are you suffering from empty wallet syndrome? I know I am! While I have yet to find a cure, and I’m still working on a remedy, I can help warn you of some pretty invasive procedures that you think will help, but in the end will leave you and your wallet walking a little funny.

When I first moved into my house, I thought wow, it’s like an empty canvas, I have so much space and so much to work with, this is going to be great. Too bad there wasn’t enough in my bank account to work with. So, being the carrier of the recessive gene for brilliant ideas, I had a brilliant idea; I can save all this money and still do what I would like to the house, by doing it myself! Insert light bulb here. So I decide on the things that I wanted to do and went online to see just how difficult these projects will be.

Project number one:  Re-grout kitchen tile

Right before the ’94 earthquake, we had our kitchen redone. I remember thinking how pretty it looked. I don’t think it was a year later when the earthquake hit and ruined the tile job that had just been done. We hired a contractor to fix the house and for some reason when he fixed the tile in the kitchen, not only did he get a different color grout, he used a completely different type of grout all together! It has bugged me ever since. I thought about re-tiling the kitchen myself, but while researching this, I realized you could just remove the old grout and put new grout in. My mind was officially blown. Not only would it be less work to make my kitchen look better, because there was nothing wrong with the tile really, but it would be less money also! I was excited. So I go online to research this project.

What the DIY websites tell you: Step 1- Buy a grout removal tool. Step 2 – Remove grout only ¾ of the way down (or something like that). Step 3 – Put in new grout. Then there was a description on how to properly do grout work…blah blah blah. I was sold. I thought I had it made even more because my trusty Dremel  has a grout removal attachment you can buy. Wow, this was not going to take me long at all, and with the price of the grout bit, grout, and a floater to get the job done, I was looking at less than $40 to give my kitchen a whole new look!! Sounds great, right? Who wouldn’t do this, right? Wrong.

The reality of the project: I buy all the things I believe I need for this project and I get started. Here is the one thing I don’t like about Dremels, I went through that bit in about a half hour, and I had barely started. If I had to guess the number of bits I had to buy throughout the entire project, I would say probably around 7. Then I realize I could use a drill and a drill bit and that would last a little longer. However, I had a cordless drill, the battery would run out super quick and it didn’t have enough torque for my taste. Most of all, I hated having to wait for the battery to charge. So I decided to buy a new drill. Of course, I can use it for many other projects, my point is that sometimes when you take on these projects there are unexpected costs for things you didn’t realize you would need. So I have my new powerful RYOBI drill, I’m ready to go now! Fifteen minutes later I’m replacing the drill bit I broke. Ok, it’s replaced, now I’m ready to go! Twenty minutes later I’m replacing another broken drill bit. I probably went through 5 drill bits.
I don’t know if you have ever grounded grout before, but it is BRUTAL on your respiratory system. Not knowing what I was getting into, I bought those chincy little masks that the nail ladies wear, yeah, I don’t know what those are for, but they didn’t help one bit. Then I bought the 3m masks that look like a doctors mask, but in the front it has some kind of filter. Those were better, but my lungs would still literally hurt the next day from breathing in the grout. So I decided to fork out $30 and buy one of those respirator masks that make you look like something out of a B movie. I also needed to buy special gloves for the grout, not sure if these were really needed, but I bought them. I also didn’t think that I needed buckets for this, so I had to buy two buckets. Doesn’t sound like much, but seriously, this crap adds up! Oh yeah, I need a big sponge to wipe the grout off with, I went through two of those. Being afraid that I wouldn’t be able to mix the grout good enough on my own, I also purchased a mixer that you can attach to your drill. Let’s not forget the tile I cracked or chipped while trying to dig out the grout and the new ones I had to trash trying to cut it myself. You can’t put in new tile without tile putty or the tool with the teeth! There goes another $10. Finally, I’m done. Oh wait, what did you say? I have to seal the grout? Here’s another $10. Have a nice day asshole.

 Final breakdown: Dremel bits – $84, Drill - $50, Drill bits – $20, Masks -  $39, Gloves - $5, Buckets -$6, Sponges - $2, Mixer - $8, Tile - $10, Tile tools - $10, Sealer - $10

Approximate Cost (not including my blood, sweat and tears):  $244

Project number two: Re-staining my kitchen cabinets

I’m still wet behind the ears when it comes to the world of DIY. With this project, I figured a pack of sand paper, a small can of stain and boom, done. I even reused the original hardware to be extra cheap. Thank god I did. This project ended up costing me a pretty penny.

What the DIY website tells you:  Step 1 – Remove everything from the cabinets and take down the doors. Step 2 – Cover everything with a drop cloth. Step -3 buy a heavy duty gunk cleaner and thoroughly clean all the wood before you sand because that gunk will clog your sander. Step 4 – Fill in any holes with wood putty. Step 5 – Make sure there is no damage to the cabinets or rot, because, guess what, you’ll need to fix this now. Step 6 – sand, vacuum, paint, yadda, yadda, yadda.

The reality of the project: I had already bought a sander for this project, but I still have to include that in my cost. The website I went on gave the specific number of sandpaper for the job. I buy a 3 pack of sand paper and 2 of the hand held sander things in a finer grit. I had used my house vacuum when I was re-doing my grout and was afraid to use it again because I didn’t want to ruin it. I really wanted a shop vac, but just couldn’t bring myself to fork out the cash to buy one. On one of my many trips to Home Depot, I saw that they sold a vacuum lid to make their buckets into a vacuum! I already bought the buckets, so I will just get the lid. I need the gunk remover and scouring pads and I was on my way to sand land. I start sanding and I notice it’s taking me quite a long time to sand through the original finish and I’ve gone through one of my 3 packs of sand paper like that! I later found out while talking to dear sweet Grandma that she had to put 18 coats of that stuff on there! 18 coats? You have to be shitting me.

While I was at home depot getting more sandpaper, my friend that works there, tool guy Terry, who literally has taught me so much, started schooling me even more about the subject. If I ask Tool Guy Terry, (which, by the way, is not his real name just a name I gave him), one question, I will be there for at least a half hour, but I love him for it. On my especially busy days, I will avoid him at all costs. He has told me about every power tool, what they do, what they’re good for and what would be good for me. Terry’s a no nonsense kind of guy and I have respect for that. Any who, we started talking sand paper and he told me that it would go much quicker if I used a coarser grit. I’m such a “by the book” person, I never thought of straying from what the website told me. I trusted him and bought the coarser grit. Finally when I had sanded the cupboards down, forcing them to hang out in my kitchen naked, I moved on to buy the paint. Now here is where the stupid really shined through. Before, when I have bought stain, I always buy the small cans. It’s the size I need and the stain goes a long way, so that is what I bought. Part of me actually thought that was all I would need. Put your sunglasses on…it starts shining even brighter. It wasn’t until the entire kitchen was done, and I went through god knows how many of those small cans of paint, that I remember they sold them by the gallons. I really want to curse here. It makes me angry just reliving it as I type. Do you know how many trips to Lowes I could have saved myself? I’ve never checked to see if it is cheaper in the long run to buy the gallon (I’m 100% positive it is) because I’m afraid if I realize how much money I could have saved, I will go all dutch boy on the paint section, and no one wants that. Once I started sanding I realized that because I have an orbital sander, it doesn’t sand in the corners, so back to home depot I go. I ended up getting a detail sander (open box to save that chedda, holla!). I also kept leaving my tack cloth out and it kept drying out, so I went through many packages of that.

Final break down: Sander - $30, Sand paper – $74, Vacuum lid $19, Wood Filler $10 (I bought maple the first time, realized it was wrong and had to buy another one that was stainable), Gunk Remover $12, Scouring pads - $3, Paint brushes - $20, Paint - $91, Detail Sander - $25, Tack Cloth - $20, Dremel bits - $20.

Approximate cost - $ 306 + my sanity.

Project number three: Paint my patio furniture

It all started with one wicker bench in the trash and it was all downhill from there. Once I found that bench, I decided I wanted to have wicker patio furniture. I had pieced together a whole set and found this spray paint that was just for outdoor furniture. Sweet, I can have a new wicker patio set for the fraction of what the brand new ones are selling for! On one of my many trips to one of the many stores I frequent, I noticed they sold spray paint for plastic. Instantly an image of a whole new sparkly back yard, with fresh paint popped in my head. I had a ton of plastic furniture out there, all of it boring old white. Oh the things I could do, I thought!!

What I told myself: Not really being a big spray painter, I had no clue how much spray paint it would take to paint something. Here was my optimism: For the wicker bench, coffee table and two wicker chairs, I bought 4 cans of paint. For my plastic table, six plastic chairs, and six plastic loungers, I bought 6 cans of spray paint. I was totally patting myself on the back for being so thrifty. Little did I know that months later, I would be kicking myself in the ass.

The Reality of the project: First I started painting one of the wicker chairs. It’s you average size chair, much the same size as the plastic patio chairs. I grab the first can of spray paint and the comfort nozzle I had bought to keep my little digits content during the process. I spray most of the top of the chair and the can is empty. Hm, ok, grab the second can. Ok, it looks good, but it obviously has to have another coat. I didn’t even think that wicker being a wood, would soak up some of the paint. The next day I go to put another coat on it, and man I didn’t realize how many areas I had missed! Third can gone. Well now I’m on the final coat. All cans, done…on one chair. Well I can’t stop now with half of it done, so I go buy more spray paint. I still have another chair, a decent size coffee table and the large bench! 16 cans of spray paint later, I have a matching wicker patio set. Now onto the plastic furniture! I had to special order the plastic spray paint in the color purple I wanted and they came in packs of six, that’s plenty, right? Wrong. I start on one of the ugly recliners. I’m painting it and painting it and look at my box of paint and there are only two cans left. WTF! The plastic paint only needs about two coats, but these are big recliners. I don’t have enough paint for another recliner, so I paint a regular chair. I paint another regular chair. Half way through the second chair, I run out of purple paint. I’m not about to pay the ridiculous shipping I paid on the first order, so I go to my back up color, navy blue. Please keep in mind when you see the total, that four of the recliners did NOT get painted because I was literally going broke buying spray paint. I will have to say though, the wicker looks great, but that plastic paint is awesome! I’m definitely going to finish painting all the loungers…one day. It dries super fast and makes those chairs look so shiny and new. I love spray paint for plastic.

Final breakdown: Wicker paint - $80, Plastic Paint - $125.

Approximate cost - $205.

Granted, DIY projects will still cost you less than hiring a professional, but what these diy sites don’t tell you is the reality of what these projects entail, especially if you’re new to the diy game. Yes, doing it yourself will save you money, but it won’t necessarily be cheap. Also, don’t pull a me and guesstimate what you will need, if you’re new to this, you will be off…by a long shot.